At 83, Maggie can no longer keep up with the housework in their eight-room home. Her husband, like many men of his generation, has always been more skilled with a lawnmower than a vacuum cleaner. Now their son handles the yard care. But how can she find a good housekeeper?
Their son, John, suggests talking with Sophia, their 90-year-old neighbor, who hired a young woman to assist her with daily chores such as food shopping, laundry, and cleaning. “Why don’t you see if Corinne is also available to come clean for you?” he asked.
Maggie called Sophia, and then called her son back, confused. “She says Corinne is her friend, so I guess I’ll have to keep looking.”
John phoned Sophia, a vivacious woman with friends across the age spectrum. “I thought Corinne was your home assistant — helping you clean, buy groceries, etc.”
Sophia replied, “Well, she does that, too!” She regards her companion not as a care provider, but as a friend who helps around the house. The distinction is significant. Sophia is fortunate to still have a number of good friends at this stage of her life — but she isn’t typical.
“Everyone I knew is gone…”
Seniors who live to an advanced age often find themselves alone. By 2035, one in three U.S. households will be headed by someone 65 or older, according to a Harvard Joint Center for Housing Studies report. And that household may consist of one.
Loneliness is epidemic among elders, and can lead to depression and health problems. The Dalai Lama wrote, “In one shocking experiment, researchers found that senior citizens who didn’t feel useful to others were nearly three times as likely to die prematurely as those who did feel useful. This speaks to a broader human truth: We all need to be needed… Selflessness and joy are intertwined.”
Putting the ‘Care’ in Caregiving
Finding a caregiver who can become a friend, like Sophia’s care assistant, Corinne, is possible with an all-in-one home care solution such as TrueCare24. The compassionate care providers who sign up to work with TrueCare24 like older people, and feel called to serve them with joy.
Some of the ways caregivers can become friends include:
- Being authentic, not automatic. Caregivers learn to stay in the moment with seniors. With autopilot turned “off”, it’s easier to respond to what someone needs with tender understanding. Caregivers think and plan ahead, so they can be present with what is happening right now.
- Reaching out and touching someone. The old telephone company slogan had it right: a simple hug can go a long way towards restoring mood, and even help the body to heal. Many seniors are touch-deprived. Stroking someone’s hand as you talk with them, a comforting touch on the shoulder, or a full body hug (if appropriate), can help both elder and caregiver recharge. Watching funny movies together, singing, or spending time in nature (even if that’s just bringing the wheelchair onto the back porch) are some other excellent ways to dispel senior doldrums — and support the caregiver as well.
- Relinquishing the superhero cape. Experienced caregivers may be tempted to assume they can (or should) do it all. This guide provides an excellent overview of how to manage the caregiving role effectively so that both elder and caregiver receive the support they need.
